Something Squirrelly this Way Comes

I'm sitting in my recliner, reading a book, minding my own business. Not harming anyone or anything when I happen to glance underneath my dining room table. The ensuing shriek and leaping pulse had me out of the chair and heading for a can of bug killer in 0.02 seconds flat. The book ended up on the floor, halfway across the room and the cause of my anxiety was frozen in place under the table. A cave cricket. I hadn't see any since last year when I sent up a hue and cry to the rental office and they sprayed like they had never sprayed before. Apparently the spraying didn't hold or, more likely, didn't work and that the real reason the stealth crickets stopped appearing in my apt was that it was no longer cave cricket season.

Half a can of Raid(tm) later, the cricket is shriveled up and dead behind a speaker. After my breathing and heart rates settle back down I text Rach and Joely. I figured they'd understand and would offer comforting words. Yeah right. Joely never responds (big meanie) and Rach replies with, "Maybe he spread the word 2 all his little friends not 2 f^ck with you. Or theyre pissed and staging an uprising. Either one."

Isn't she just the sweetnest, nicest cupcake you ever talked to?? Christ. Putting the idea of a cricket uprising in MY head. I've got a rampant enough imagination without her adding to it. About an hour later, I'm sitting on my couch pretending to read (I'm really just scanning the floor in case other cricket scouts appear) when my own devious conscious decides to remind me of a movie. Which one? Why The Secret of Nimh (TSON) of course! Except my brain insiduously decides to recast the mice and rats as cave crickets. *shudder* Not what I need to be pondering upon at 10.30 at night. For those of the uninformed, TSON is about rats & mice that had been part of a human lab experiment. They came out of it being smart. Human smart (heck they were smarter than some humans I know). Can you just imagine? Cave crickets with human intelligence??? Ugh! At least they don't have hands (or paws) so they should have problems with say power tools but they could operate a keyboard no problem.

So I was up til about 1. I finished my book, found a couple of flashlights (it's still dark when I get up and there's no way I was going to chance stepping on - or near - a cricket before I reached a light switch) and finally managed to turn off the light and go to sleep.

No signs of crickets Tuesday morning. Apt. people had sprayed my house during the day so I thought I might find some random bug corpses when I get home. I didn't well, except for the cave cricket still shriveled and curled up behind my speaker. I putter around, watch the news, cook dinner, read some, clean some and then decide to make an early night of it and turn in at 9.30 or so. The AC kicks on and I find myself covered up in a blanket. My environmentalist (and frugal) heart can't take that so when the AC kicks off, I grab my flashlight and prepare to go turn it up (err turn the temp at which it kicks on up - from 78 to 80 or so). I flick on the flashlight, shine it in front of me and what do I see??? A cave cricket!

It's in the middle of the floor, neatly blocking my path to the light switch and AC controls. The big jerk. For those of you thinking that the cave cricket is only the size of a half dollar and there's a foot or more on either side of it, what's the problem? Umm HELLO! The size of a Half Dollar! ONLY a foot or so on either side of it! Seems obvious to me that there were issues. The fact that it can jump several feet in a second or two is also an issue my busy little brain is feverishly calculating. I pick up a wayward sock and throw it at it. Actually I throw it short, in the hopes that it would jump Back. It doesn't. Thankfully it goes sideways and not towards me. I keep the little bugger dead center in my flashlight spotlight and siddle by it, always keeping it in front me. Then I'm stuck. In order to get to the light switch I have to let it out of my sight for a couple seconds.

I get as close as possible, and lunge for the switch and back. It's gone! I don't see it anywhere. I arm myself with my can of Raid(tm) and head for the AC controls. I adjust the thermostat in between quick surveys of the entire area. Still no sign of cricket boy. I check behind the speaker to make sure that the cricket I killed last night hadn't resurrected itself. It hadn't. I look underneath my recliner, as best I can without actually getting down on my hands and knees (Way too close to the cricket's territory that way!). No sign. I spray the raid underneath it anyway. I check all the darker areas, move pillows that were on the floor. Nothing. The newest invader was nowhere to be seen.

I keep up my vigil for awhile before giving up. Okay okay okay so it was more than awhile it was nearly midnight. What do you want from me?? Did you not pay attention when I said it's big as a half dollar and can jump several feet??? Geez people! Pay attention and stop mocking me! I didn't see it this morning either. Hopefully it went back to where it came from and reported in that this was not the place to invade. That the occupant was way too wary and Raid(tm) savvy and that they should find a new place to take over.