Something Squirrelly this Way Comes

A week ago an email went out to everyone in my building & the adjacent one stating that a nearby hotel [Hotel] would like to WELCOME you to the area! Come with your appetites and ENJOY a complimentary breakfast on US! Next Wednesday (yesterday) from 7:30-9:00 in the lobby. I took that to mean in the lobby of our building. Apparently there was some confusion as four days later (Tuesday before the free breakfast) another email came out. This one clarified that the free breakfast was, indeed, in the lobby of my building.

I stroll through the doors at 6:30 yesterday and there's no sign of any breakfast. No tables, no boxes or cars. No hint that anything is going to be going on later that day. I fiddle around, do some work, write a blog entry and then hook up with Kelp and Nel at 7:25 and we head down to the lobby. There's a lot of people that work here, all of which are in favor of free food, and we didn't want to wait in line. And face it we could all use a break from work - even if we'd only been there an hour (or almost).

We get to the lobby. Nothing. I make a comment to Kelp and one of the security guards, "Where's the food?" and the guard points outside and says, "at the hotel." Much talking ensues betwixt Kelp, Nel & I. Yes, the emails did, in fact say 7:30 in our lobby. Another elevator opens & more people pile out in search of free breakfast. Kelp, Nel & I head towards the exterior doors & pause in the atrium. We didn't bring our coats & it's mighty chilly outside. Kelp & I decide to brave the weather, Nel pauses to ask the cleaning lady if she knows about the breakfast. (Side note: English isn't Nel's first language. Nor is it the first language of the cleaning lady's. Both have strong accents & both don't speak the other's language. I'm still not certain the cleaning lady had any idea of what Nel was asking her).

Kelp & I leave Nel to her communication attempts & start walking to the hotel with some other peeps in search of Free Breakfast. I glance back and see Nel heading back towards the elevators. Either she was giving up or was going to get her jacket. So the group of us, headed up by Kelp & I, are nearly to the hotel when we encounter people coming from the hotel. They inform us that there is no Free Breakfast for us in the hotel & that the hotel staff had no idea about any Free Breakfast anywhere.

We turn around & head back to our building, encountering more people on their way to the hotel. We spread the word & then loiter a bit in the lobby, talking amongst ourselves. Place is getting crowded as more & more people show up for the Free Breakfast &/or work. Elevator opens, people start gushing out of it & one of the first ones off is Nel with jacket on & buttoned up.

Kelp, Nel & I continue to loiter (with a lobby full of people) for about five minutes then decide we'd go back upstairs, get some work done (hah! who could work when our hopes & dreams of a Free Breakfast had been shattered??) & then try again at 8. Coworker Dani comes through at 7:50 & says no sign of food being set up. I call Kelp & give her the info. She says she'll ask one of her coworkers when he comes in if he sees anything (Kelp works on a different floor than I, vastly increasing our coworker pooling resources). She calls back at 8:02 to pass the word. There are now donuts & coffee in the lobby. Along with 50+ people. I call another coworker to give her the heads up & I head down to the lobby with Dani.

We step off the elevator to a madhouse. Huge line of people from the lobby, through security & around the elevator bay (there are 8 elevators, four to a side, all but one is blocked by people waiting in line). Kelp is one person in front of us. Dani & I determine that we would wait in line as neither of us had eaten breakfast. Why would we when we had a Free Breakfast at work awaiting us?? Another elevator opens & out come more people in search of Free Breakfast, two of which are coworkers.

We're waiting and waiting. Elevators regularly opening up to let more people off who have come in search of Free Breakfast. We're ever so slowly inching closer & closer to the Mecca of Free Breakfast. Then a lady from the hotel starts peppering us with questions. I get a business card & a survey to fill out. Some sample questions:

How many does your company plan a year?
How Often?
How Long?

If you're like me, you're wondering what exactly the hell they're talking about. How many What does my company plan a year? Trysts? Coups? Global Thermal Nuclear Wars? The light dawns a little as I read the next question, "Are you the Meeting Planner or anyone else that you can refer to us?" Where did these people go to business school? I need to write them & encourage the school to include English grammar as requirement for graduation.

We encounter another hotel lady & she informs us that they had only intended this to be for people who plan Meetings. They were hoping to sell their services. Yeah right. Who wants to use a hotel that shows up 30 minutes late, woefully under supplies and over advertises their Free Breakfast?? She claims that they had always planned on it being at 8:00. I inform her that we had received two emails - both of which stating 7:30 (one of which was forwaded from the hotel!) and that there was No mention of Meeting Planners Only. She apologizes & states that she "hopes we hadn't been waiting down here that whole time." Uhh no,lady. If I'd been down here waiting that entire time, I'd have gotten a better donut AND a cup of regular coffee instead of burnt decaf.

Yes, that's right folks. Dani, Kelp & I waited in line for 15 minutes and got a donut (I nabbed the very last one, btw) and Decaf!! coffee. Stupid hotel people show up 30 minutes late with only two trays of pastries, two urns of regular coffee, two urns of hot water & two urns of decaf. What were they thinking? There weren't even tea bags to use in the hot water! I heard a couple of different groups of folks speculating on the possibility of a riot. That's how quickly the unrest was spreading. Especially after I told people that they were out of regular coffee & donuts, only danishes, itty bitty muffins, decaf & hot water were left. And yes, I was flaunting my donut. Unlike Kelp & Dani, I chose not to use a flyer as a napkin. That's right, they even ran out of napkins. Stellar planning from people who want us to use them as meeting planners. Hmm, yeah, that seems like a Great idea.

I'm told that the scene was reminiscent of one from the TV show The Office. Something about a pretzel vender & a long line through the building and around the block? People shouting at each other & lamenting the fact that there won't be any cinnamon sugar pretzels left. I dunno. I've only seen the show once or twice.

Thankfully I had instant oatmeal packets in my desk and a coworker made a fresh pot of regular coffee. That was some Free Breakfast I had yesterday.