Something Squirrelly this Way Comes

I opted out of going to a woo woo festival on Sunday and spent the day, instead, hunting around town for a toe ring. I feel my mourning period has finally passed and I can get a new one without dishonoring the old one. Actually, I want two. One on each foot, but I digress.

I went to a Kohl’s department store. This is where I had acquired my first toe jewelry all those moons ago (read: 1999). I went thru the jewelry department. Three times. Looked at every rack, every spinner doo dad, every compartment in the locked counter. Nary a toe ring did I see. Nor did either jewelry employee ask if I needed help. They both spoke English, so when I said, "Excuse me" they just moved out of the way, not realizing I wanted to ask them something. I gave them a yall-are-crazy-and-SO-not-helpful-and-now-you're-in-my-way look and left. Sadly I had to stop at the checkout as I had found some super cute socks (they have Gizmo on them! how could I Not buy them??) and some shirts. Since I loathe shopping 95% of the time, I bought the stuff.

Then I tried the dreaded Wal-Mart which is nearby. They were packed *shocking* and after I made my way across the store & to the jewelry store, I did, in fact, find two toe rings. Unfortunately they were locked in a case and the employees were too busy flirting (in Spanish) with some guys to bother coming over and letting me see them closer. I'm pretty sure I would only have verified that they were, in fact, ugly little things. I left and was nearly run over by a minivan. Twice.

Then I went to another mall and looked around two more chain department stores. Nothing. Although I did have a nice sneezing, coughing & eye watering fit in a Macy's since the perfume counter ladies were Very gung ho about spritzing stuff. I opted Not to check out their stuff, even if I could see it through my streaming eyes.

I leave the mall empty handed (my checking account rejoiced), get to my car and then have to wait to get out of the parking lot because of a vehicle blocking traffic while it's passenger dithered about. Yes, it was a minivan.

After finally getting around the minivan I determine that I have earned a trip to Mecca (aka a grocery store). I stop in get some groceries, the paper and leave. I’m stuck behind a beat up minivan the entire way home. I have bad minivan karma. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if all those jewelry counter employees drive minivans.

Watch out for those minivans! Especially the silver ones. Or the beat up ones. Or the ones with gigantic soccer ball emblems stuck on the back. They're out to take over the world!


Hockey
Frickin sabres won yesterday. Rangers are out of the playoffs. What do yall think the odds are that Lindy Ruff drives a minivan? I'm thinking fairly high.