Something Squirrelly this Way Comes

Last night, as I was going to bed, I had a frustrating adventure. I turned out the light, took off my glasses and put them on the nightstand. Except they didn’t stay on the nightstand. They jumped off. I heard a quiet thump as they hit the floor. I patted around with my hand and couldn’t feel them. So I turned the light back on. I didn’t see them.

Yes, I know. The odds of me seeing them while standing up were slim to none. So I got down on my hands and knees. Nothing. I moved the kitty pillow I have on the floor. Still nothing.

I laid down on the floor and felt underneath the bed. Nada. I felt around underneath my nightstand. Zilch.

Thinking that the glasses were just out of my reach and invisible to my unaided I, I make my way to the bathroom to put in my eyeballs. I haven’t worn them in months. Many, many months. I wasn’t sure they’d even be tolerable for the couple of minutes I anticipated wearing them.

I get back to my room, eyeballs somewhat itchily in place. I look around some more. I move more stuff around (I’d tell you it was discarded shirts, a bag or two & some random kitty stuff but my mom might think I’m a slob, so I won’t) and still don’t see them. I stretch back out on the floor and do the feeling around, this time with better vision, thing again. No glasses to be seen. I pat around underneath my chest of drawers. Zip.

Even tho my frames are black, I’m thinking maybe I can’t see them under my bed due to the lack of light. I spend the next five minutes trying to find a flashlight. I have, at least three. I can’t find one. No idea where they’ve gone off too. I know where they used to be in the living & dining rooms; they’re just not there now. I do find a clip on book light that I bring back to try. Not the brightest light, but it’s better than nothing right? Wrong. It just cast more shadows.

Then Eureka! A light bulb goes on (no pun intended) in my head. I can use my bedside lamp to shine light under the bed & dresser. I untangle the cord and tilt the lamp. The lampshade prevents me from shining as I desire so I remove it. I set the nut that holds the lampshade onto the lamp on the floor, and place the lampshade on my bed. I start tilting the lamp to shine under the bed and then have to quickly put it back down. Then I pounced on Luna and explained that the nut is not a kitty toy. I spin the nut back on the lamp and proceed with my search.

No glasses on the floor by the bed. No glasses under the bed. No glasses under the night stand. No glasses under the chest of dra- oh wait. There they are! In the far corner, underneath the chest of drawers, next to the wall. How in hell did they get over there?????

I had to lie back down on the floor and stick my arm all the way under to reach them. Still have no idea how they managed to bounce/get back there. Especially without making more than one quiet thud. There must be some weird portal from one side of the nightstand to that spot under the chest of drawers. Seriously.

All that crap I didn’t mention moving so my mom wouldn’t think I’m a slob? Yeah that was covering the access area to get below the chest of drawers. The space underneath the nightstand had some random stuff as well. Besides for the glasses to go that route, they’d have to change direction three times and avoid the glass candle lid to a Yankee Candle and a plastic bottle of lotion. My glasses hitting either one of those things would have made some sort of noise.

It took me less than a second to lose my glasses and over half an hour to find them. How crazy is that?

Have a good Friday.