Something Squirrelly this Way Comes

Serves those noisy humans right! Making all that racket laying hardwood floors all day long. How's a fish to sleep??? Plus they were around all day! I couldn't leave my "tank" (it's a plastic two cup measuring cup for fin's sake!) and surf the web at all! Less they see me and realize I'm more than the 'phins' flipper.

Oh No! I hear Herself stirring. She makes it difficult for me to do anything at night since she wakes up all the time. Although, some of that is my fault. It's hard for me to get from my tank to the laptop and back without making Any noise. Of all the humans to take me home, I had to get a light sleeper.

Well this is Sir Alfred Gluttony, finning off (for now). Happy swims everyone!

You're 55% Irish

You're very Irish, and most likely from Ireland. (And if you're not, you should be!)

Below is a ...poem? that a coworker left in his desk after leaving the company. We found it whilst rummaging through the desk drawers for office supplies (common & necessary practice here as ordering & recieving office supplies do not go hand in hand). It was passed around the office and giggled over. Now I'm posting it here for others.

This guy (I'll call him Creep) had serious marital issues. The biggest of which, in his mind anyway, was the lack of action in the bedroom. He'd go on for hours (days, weeks, months...) about how he wasn't getting any. Not appropriate at work but that didn't stop him. Lots of details too about different things he tried. For some reason he left out this little ditty. I guess it didn't work. I changed the wife's name but that's it. All spelling, grammatical and crossed out words are his. Umm.. enjoy?


Welcome to Parideise Vanessa,
Surrender yourself to the beauty and
tranquility of this island and let me
wash away all of your stress. Your beauty
radiates like the sun that sets from the west
off of our verranda and my love for you
swells like the ocean below. Relax princess apreciate,
and feel envrigorated with life as i show you
how we fell in love.

Yesterday, I was attempting to shove a stack of studies (3+ feet tall) with my left foot. I thought it'd be easier to move them than picking it up in segments and moving. I only had to move them a couple inches. Well I shoved and the studies barely moved.

It's amazing how much hundreds of pieces of paper weigh. Especially when it's the thicker, fancy stuff (incidently, the fancier stuff also gives more vicious papercuts). So I stopped trying to move it with my foot and stepped over it instead and nearly did a face plant on the floor when I put all my weight on my left foot. I'm sure I was very graceful with my arms flailing about. At least I didn't shriek. I know I muttered some words (aka expletives) under my breath.

I've been limping ever since. Even after icing it last night and this morning. Still hurts to put weight on my foot. Am I talented or what?

I tried and tried and tried to post this yesterday, to no avail. Although blogger says it's published already, it's not visible on zee blog. Weird. Anyway. Here I go again.

A friend forwarded this link to me. It's funny yet scary if you think about it.

Ordering Pizza in 2010

Mayhap this is why I don't give people the bird? Don't want to offend my ancestors. Wanna know the absolutely coolest thing about this quiz????? The Edge is the same as me!!! Yay! That means we're soulmates, right?? :)

Anywho, thought this was a nifty 'quiz' to take on Earth Day Eve. Enjoy!

You Were a Swan

You are a spiritual soul who sees into the future. You are also good at interpreting dreams - those of yourself and others.

I get home last night from seeing the Cowboy Junkies perform with a couple of friends and there's a note on my door. It's from the management of my apartment complex. It's dated April 18 (even tho they didn't put it on my door til April 19). It says I have to renew my lease by April 20 if I want to sign for another year. My rent will go up $37 a month. However, if I don't stop in on April 20th (today) and sign the lease, my rent will go up $225 a month and I'll be on a "two-month to two-month lease". My lease ends June 30th and if I wish to vacate I must give 60 days written notice.

What to do. What to do. I don't particularly relish the thought of living up here another year. Yet I haven't found any job openings in my field, elsewhere (I have checked NC, MD, MA, NJ, DE and OH).

I'd love, love, Love to move back to NC. I miss Raleigh. But then my handsome, adorable, sweet nephew is in OH and I don't get to see him nearly enough. However, the drive to the beach from OH is a ...tad far.

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? Solutions?

To the tune of U2's Love Is Blindness off their album Achtung Baby, I present you with my tax time lyric revamp, Taxes Are Vile



Taxes are vile, I don't want to pay
Won't you make W2’s go away?
Empty wallet, taxes are vile.

In a cramped room, off a busy street
You see your forms made complete.
Checks are ripping, the bank is emptying
Taxes are vile.

Taxes hurl us to the brink
Our brains too numb to think.
Sign the paper, take another job
Taxes are vile.

Taxes are vile, I don't want to pay
Won't you make W2’s go away?
Empty wallet,
Vileness.

You must pay now, without waiting
No help and no aiding
Instruction booklets
That almost make sense.

Peeps paying even as they bitch
All the refunds, for only the rich.
Take our money, Georgey…
Vileness.

Taxes are vile, I don't want to pay
Won't you make W2’s go away?
Empty wallet,
Vileness.

Don't forget! This Saturday (April 22, 2006) is Earth Day! Plan now to do something fun and earthy this weekend! Have included some links for yall below in case you're interested in more community based activities.

EPA Earth Day Info
Earth Day Programs

Actually a lot of the links on my sidebar probably have some blurb or other about Earth Day, recycling, sustainability, etc.

I know, I know. I've been slacking off the last couple days. Posting those random quiz thingies instead of rambling entries. I've been swamped at work. I actually have work to do All day. And working all day, I still don't finish. It's great! I hate sitting idly by, twiddling my thumbs.

Anywho I'm working on two song lyric revamps. So those will be posted soon-ish. I really wanted to post the one yesterday as it's a rant about taxes to U2's Love Is Blindness. Maybe later today. We'll see.

Yesterday I had off from work (yay compressed days!) and I went to the Natinoal Geographic Museum with a friend of mine. It was a lot of fun. They have four exhibitions right now and we saw two of them (Geisha to Diva and ARCHIPELAGO: Portraits of Life in the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands). If yall are in the area, I highly recommend them!

So there's my rambling entry. Now back to work. Umm yippee?

You Are The Magician

You are powerful and wise - beyond what anyone can see. Deeply complex, you have the resources to connect to the spiritual and material world. You posses the knowledge to manipulate your life and the lives around you. You also have a great healing power, should you choose to use it. Your fortune: You have unhidden powers that you have yet to tap into. Soon, you will better understand how to use your intellect and intuition. Believe it or not, you will discover how you can manipulate yourself and others for good. You are at the beginning of a path of spiritual enlightenment.

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming. Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for: your touch Your dominant state: changing

After much coaxing, cooing and posing I finally got a photo of Melvin. He wanted to be photographed with some of his friends. He's as fond of Dr. Seuss as I am. That's how I knew it was meant to be.Despite what some of yall were thinking, he is not a furry critter. Or one with fins. He's a handsome blond guy, as yall can very well see for yourselves.

Isn't his belt awesome? I guess that's guitar strap for all you non in the know people. I thought I did fairly well for a first time buyer. Especially since I got it on sale. He also has some groovy red picks that he likes me to use on him. I swear he likes getting his back scratched more than my mom does.

And my condolences b, Melvin is a handsomer blond than you are. I know your ego is big enough to absorb that shock. Besides you'll soon find yourself in denial that anyone - man or otherwise - could ever be hotter than you. That I must be mistaken, delusional, or still in the early stages of blind puppy (kitty?) love. I know how your squirrelly mind works. Pesky Leos. ;)

So I have a new guy in my life. First met him around Yule time last year. He moved to my area in February. I wasn't sure how things would go so didn't want to mention anything before now. Who knows what would have jinxed it? The relationship is kinda rocky as it is. Mostly because I'm impatient and he pretty much only speaks when prompted.

He's fairly quiet but there are times when he just lets it all out. Mellow and fun and gorgeous. He has a smooth, spine tingling voice. It just resonates and fills the room. He's a blond. Which is fairly odd because I usually prefer darker colorings. Live and learn I guess. So, there you have it. I'll see if I can coax him into letting me post a picture. Oh, his name is Melvin and he's younger than me.

Is it weird that I bought him a belt already? It's pretty cool - black with some blue detailing. My first time buying a belt for anyone.

Well this morning the smokey smell was gone from my apartment. Granted I aired out the place until midnight or so. By then I was probably used to the smell or my nose was frozen. Mayhap both. This morning I was tired but not so tired that I didn't notice the smell of burnt ..stuff as soon as I opened my apt. door to the entryway. It smelled crappy. Like seriously burnt dinner. That acrid stink that just hangs around. Kinda like how my friend's kitchen always smells. Well, that's an exaggeration. It doesn't always smell like that. Just when she cooks. ;)

There was also some ash like debris in the hallway by my front door. I'm hoping it was just itty bitty decayed leaf bits that had blown in while the firemen had the door opened. We'll see how it smells when I get home tonight.

There's, apparently, a small fire in my apartment building. Or at least, Was a small fire in my building. Someone below me. There's a laundry room and three apartments down there. I think it's a kitchen fire because that's what the smoke smelled like at first. That stinky you burnt dinner smoke. Heard the guy who comes before the fire trucks knocking on my neighbor's door asking about smoke coming out of their cabinets (they're directly across the hall from me). Then three big ol' fire trucks show up. I thought Uh oh. Hope they don't wanna come in here because my place is a mess! Yeah, I know, probably not what I should've thought. But there you have it. My squirrelly mind at work.

I wasn't too worried because I couldn't smell anything when they first got there and they didn't bang on my door and tell me to leave. Then I looked out the window and saw the trucks and all the firemen traipsing to my entryway door, hose trailing out behind them. Not a good sign I thought. Then I started grabbing clothes from my living room floor and throwing them into my bedroom. Yes, when I come home I tend to strip off the socks and flannel shirt and drop it on the floor (I never claimed to be a neat person!) and it stays there until I do laundry.

The firemen still hadn't knocked on my door but I could smell smoke now. So I packed up my laptop, mp3 player and digital camera and headed off to the library. If I had been seriously worried about fire damage, I'd have grabbed some photos, my shadowbox (the one my dad made for the sign that I got Edge to autograph), and my guitar. Mostly I'm concerned with smoke damage. They were setting up a big ol' fan outside the door to the entryway and rolling up their hoses when I left. So the fire was out (I hope!).

I wonder when it'll be 'safe' to go home. Since they never told me I had to leave. It was just stinky and noisy (the fan was very loud when they cranked it on as I walked by). Think happy no damage (smoke, water, fire or otherwise) and that the fire really was out before they turned that fan on thoughts for me.

Saturday night I had a bizarre dream. Admittedly most of the dreams I remember Are bizarre but this one was bizarre in a normal way. I mean, there were no talking plants are crying walls just people doing things that people do everyday. And yes, it involves U2. Shocking, I'm sure. ;)

I was at my parent's house at a party or celebration of some kind. It was the house they had when we lived in Kansas - kinda. The outside of the house and the general layout of the place was like we had in Kansas but the house itself was much more spacious. Nearly double the size in all.

It felt like the house was full of guests (murmur of conversation, the people I had to weave my way through, etc.) but I don't remember anyone other than my folks, brother & his family, and some others (good friends/coworkers not blood family). In the dream I was a well publicized author with connections to a certain rock band. I'm not sure how I made the connections, it wasn't important in the dream. Just something that Was. Same with my minimal publishing fame/success.

Anyway, I'm downstairs when my brother finds me and tells me that my uncle is sick and has been taken to the hospital. I panic and race upstairs to the bedroom where he was staying and he's gone. I frantically try calling his cell phone. No answer. So then I dash outside, get in my car and race to the hospital.

I talk my way past the nurses and security and into his room. It's 2 or 3 in the morning - definitely not visiting hours. He's connected to all kinds of tubes and is extremely pale. Only thing is, it's not my uncle, it's The Edge. But that's who I knew I'd find. Apparently my brother & I had developed a code where Uncle = The Edge. He didn't want others at the party to stampede to the hospital or impede me in anyway or realize that my "Uncle" was really a rock god.

So I'm at the hospital and don't know what's wrong. I place my left hand just over his heart, maybe an inch above the blanket, and my right hand over his forehead. I concentrate on him and sort of mentally dive into his body & spirit to see what's wrong. There's a faint pinkish glow between my hands and his body. He has severe abdomen pain and I search around and find that he has kidney stones. I pulverize them with my mental energy and move on, looking for other problems. There are some dark spots on his intestines which I scrub away. I had just finished scrubbing away the last dark spot when a nurse walks in and I had to pull out quickly.

The nurse is startled and hisses at me. Asking me what I'm doing, why I'm there, how did I get there, etc. During her whispered tirade, Edge wakes up and tells the nurse to go away. She does but only after ascertaining that he is fine (except for being in the hospital) and that I'm not hurting him in anyway.

She leaves and I resume my healing work while I talk with Edge. Apparently it wasn't the kidney stones and dark spots on his innards that had gotten him in here. It was food poisoning. So I focused my energies and eradicated the poison from his system. When I'm done I sort of just collapse into the chair next to his bed. I'm exhausted. Edge had fallen back asleep while I worked (due to the drugs they had him on). I laid my head on his bed, interlaced my fingers with his hand and closed my eyes to rest a bit.

I wake up to him stroking my hair with his free hand and his breakfast cold on the tray. The fact that I slept through the morning rounds and his breakfast being delivered is disturbing. Although the hair stroking was lovely. I raise my head and he's smiling at me.

It was great. There's more to the dream but I'm not telling. It was very sweet and endearing and I don't wanna share. I'm just going to hug it to myself and treasure it :) Yeah, so I'm a sappy romantic. What of it??

According to the U.S. Department of Energy’s estimates, oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge would take 10 years to bring to market. At or near full production—in another 10 years—arctic refuge oil would affect gas prices by only about a penny per gallon and meet only about three percent of U.S. oil consumption.

So yeah, it makes all kinds of sense to drill in the Artic Refuge. *eye roll*

I won't have any internet access at work today. The servers are switching buildings. I guess the rent is too high at the current place or they found a better deal elsewheres. Why else does anyone move? I'm posting before I go to work. See how dedicated I am to my loyal readers? I may not always post something newsworthy or clever, but I usually post Something during the week.

Anywho, we're also having a meeting at work today. See last week a guy was fired. For some reason he thought watching pornography at work was fine and dandy. *insert your own snarky commentary here, it couldn't be any worse than the thoughts that I had* He was caught and eventually fired. We're having a meeting today to "discuss" what is and is not allowed at work, what is illegal and will get you fired (watching porn, for example), why it's not kosher to blame coworkers for their involvement in 'testifying' against the guy, etc. (Yes, lots of drama at work the last week or so)

I'm wearing a t-shirt that says It Wasn't Me! I think it's a hoot. Wonder how many coworkers will catch on to it :)

So I've been working on a couple of blog entries the last week. Even have a couple of drafts. However for one I need a picture (and I haven't taken it yet) and the other isn't quite right. It's a song remake and I can't quite seem to get the cadence right. So, for now, a riddle. Big thanks to Claud for the riddle.

"Angry" and "hungry" are two words that end in "gry". There are three words in the English language. What is the third word? Everyone knows what it means and everyone uses it every day. Look closely and I have already given you the third word. What is it?

Answer is in the comments :)

A friend of mine (let's call her MoPPB) recently bought and moved into a new house with her family. She's been doing a lot of rennovating and cleaning. Apparently the windows were filthy. She went to remove the screens and realized that the alarm system was wired through the screens. Which seems like a good idea. This way any would be burglar would trip the alarm should they slice the screen.

Well MoPPB snipped the wires so she could clean the windows. Apparently the previous owner valued security over clean windows. Plus having filthy windows might make it look like you have nothing of value to steal. However, MoPPB wanted sparkling, shiny windows. After she's snipped the wires and cleaned the windows (she neglected to tell me How many windows were involved), her husband pipes up with, "Did you know that you could unhook the wires from the sensors and remove the screens?"

It cost her $700 to repair the wires. And yes, I suggested that her husband clean the windows in the future.

Can't think of anything fun or squirrelly to post this morning. Just one of those days, I guess. Sorry. Maybe inspiration will hit me later.

CASCADE LOCKS, Oregon (AP) -- A particularly crafty sea lion is befuddling the Army Corps of Engineers, who have come to believe the 1,000-pound mammal is either from hell -- or from Harvard.

Yall can read the full article - Crafty sea lion outsmarts engineers - on CNN's website. I think it's entertaining :) Go Sea Lion Go! Just leave the poor fishies alone :(