Something Squirrelly this Way Comes

Here's a picture of my poor overworked and under appreciated nephew JT. He had just gotten back from his road trip visiting me and the family put him right to work. No play time. No stretching of the legs after being in the car. No time for a quick snack. No nap even! I know after a long trip in the car I want time to do all of the above.

But Nooooo they haul out the bucket, hose and sponge and set him to work cleaning up his - still unpimped - car. Frankly, how dirty could it be? I mean he hadn't used it in days. I suspect his dad had taken JT's car out for a joyride, off roading most likely, hence the need to clean it. Father's these days. I mean really!

Look how hard JT is working! He's even got his tongue stuck out in concentration - just like his grandma does. You know if that tongue is sticking out, massive concentration is going on. No doubt the family had told JT to only use certain parts of the water in the bucket and he had to concentrate to maneuver the sponge that's nearly half his size. C'mon people! The least you could do for your slave labor is get appropriately sized tools! Just think how much more efficient he'd be!

Side Notes
1. Yes I took the liberty of modifying the lyrics, I'm sure U2 won't mind.
2. Stop making snarky comments in your head about the 'blue sky' I edited into the picture. I only have Paint to work with, not some fancy editing program. I think I did quite well in the five minutes I spent, thankyouverymuch.

Hockey
So the Ducks lead the Sens 2-0 in the Stanley Cup Finals. I know two people who are freakishly happy about this. I know no one who is in the pits of despair over this. I know quite a few who are ambivalent about it all. But hey, it's hockey!

I am fortunate to have a truly amazing and super awesome friend named Sparkleberry*. Recently Sparkleberry (SB) sent me this incredible package full of The Edge photos (with excellent captions written by SB), articles, stickers, magnets and bootlegs. All things U2 - well, except for the kittens. Anyway, to say thank you to SB, I've reworked the lyrics to a well known ditty.

*ahem*

I love you Sparkleberry, oh yes I do
There's not just anyone, as cool as you
When you're not online, I'm blue :(
Oh Sparkleberry I love you!!

And, you're right. That version of Edge singing SBS with just the piano - Stroke inducing. It immediately became part of my Edgerific playlist :)

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent

The folks & nephew were in town this past weekend. We did a fair amount of site seeing on Friday and Saturday. Before I continue on , I just want to say that JT is a big fan of squirrels. Namely chasing squirrels. I believe he wants to be a Squirrel Hunter when he grows up.

Due to JT's predilection for laughing & smiling & squealing adorably at the site of squirrels or any critter for that matter - birds, mini-bears (that's chipmunks for those who are confused), dogs, etc. - we tend to go out of our way to point them out to him. Especially if we've been standing around waiting for the line to get inside a museum to move forward. JT doesn't like to stand around, he wants to be on the move. Preferably with Papa (my dad) carting him around. Anyway, as the line slowly advanced we were scanning the ground, trees, rooftop etc. looking valiantly for squirrels to point out to him, keeping him occupied.

"Look JT! There's some squirrels playing tag."
"Oh JT, look over there. See the two squirrels in the tree? Right there." Much pointing and smiling on our part to encourage JT to smile and laugh.

I'm looking around at nothing in particular when there's a big roar from the group of students in front of us. I look at them, they're all looking at the grassy area. I look over and don't see anything. I hear someone say squirrels so I look at JT to see where he's looking since he has the mega squirreldar. He's looking at the students who are making such a huge racket, laughing and cheering and pointing.

I still don't see what the big uproar is about so I ask my dad, "What's the deal? Are there two squirrels fighting or something?"

He goes, "or something..." That's when I look in the trees and see two squirrels mating. I look back at JT who is clapping and laughing with a huge smile on his face.

So yes, I inadvertently gave my nephew one of his first lessons in the birds and the bees. Well it was more squirrels in trees, but it amounts to the same thing. I'm pretty sure he didn't actually see the squirrels and his clapping was because he saw the group of students clapping and laughing. And if he did see the squirrels, surely he's too young at 2.5 to understand what was going on and be scarred by it. Right?

I don't want to rub it in (much) that I have today off from work and a lot of you don't. Thank you compressed schedule!

So I won't say things like, Have fun at work, suckers! Or it's gorgeous outside and I'm frolicking about The Mall with my adorable nephew. I'm much too nice to rub it in that yall are at work and I'm not. Yesiree. Much too considerate. That's me.

In fact, to improve your day and wish yall a most wonderful weekend, I've included the Most Excellent photo to the left for your viewing pleasure. I know it brings Me immense joy to look upon it.

Although I have some concerns of dehydration. From all the drooling. And some problems breathing. Namely I forget how to. Oh and then there's the blocks of time I lose from gazing upon Dr. The Edge. But I'm not complaining. :)

Earlier this week I had a pretty ..interesting day. Two incidents that I would find amusing, maybe somewhat disturbing, on their own. The fact that they happened on the same day had me wondering if it was the full moon. It wasn't, although it was new moon eve so maybe that had some bearing on the day.

Anyway mid-morning I encounter a woman in the ladies room. Actually, I never talked to her, acknowledged her or even made eye contact with her. The woman comes in and attempts to go into the first stall. However the cleaning lady is in there. This woman, I'll call her the Toilet Palaver or TP for short, encounters the closed door and says, "What are you doing in My Toilet!??" She pauses, I hear a zipper, then TP continues, "Get out of my stall right now!" Nothing happens so TP goes into the second stall from which I hear a variety of exclamations.

"Oh sweet Jesus! I didn't think I was going to make! Oh thank you Lord! Shit!" There's a slight pause while a toilet flushes and then TP says, "Oh, I mean shoot."

As I go by her stall I see that the door isn't locked. I know this because the door isn't even closed. I hurry towards the sink as I want to get out of there before TP emerges. No such luck. TP exits her stall and proceeds to pull up her pants as she walks to the sinks. I quickly stop looking in the wall of mirros above the sinks & focus intently on washing my hands. TP continues her discourse to nobody.

"Wow that was like a ton of bricks. I didn't think I was going to make it. It was a lead weight. Thank you Jesus!"

I scurry out of there as quick as I can, only grabbing a paper towel to open the doors (it's scary how many people don't wash their hands), not to dry my hands. After I commiserate with a couple coworkers I find out that TP doesn't close the stall door and usually has her pants most of the way down (or her skirt hiked up) before she reaches the stall. Lovely.

My other encounter was after work. I was waiting for the bus just out front of the building. There's a construction project going on across the street and there's always workers of some sort in the area. Anyway, I glance over at the only truck parked in the metered spots and see a group of workers hanging around. Fine, whatever, no big deal. Then I see the shortest of the group take his pants off.

This isn't normal. I blink a couple of times to clear my eyes, make sure I'm actually seeing what I think I'm seeing. I am. Guy has his pants all the way off and is wearing a pair of, very tight, teal colored briefs. I quickly avert my eyes because if he's okay stripping to his briefs on a public, fairly heavily traveled street, what's to say he won't be taking off anything else?

His cohorts don't seem to think much of it. A couple of the people at the bus stop with me are looking a tad dazed but there's no uproar or anything. Maybe it's a cultural thing? Perhaps I should be stripping off my pants while waiting for the bus? Hmmm. I don't think so.

Yeah, sorry I didn't get something posted earlier. I was otherwise occupied until this evening. Since it's late and most of my regular readers won't check in here until they're at work tomorrow morning, I won't write anything that'll make them go, "Man! I wish I had checked G's blog last night from home!!!"

Yeah, yeah I know. Who am I kidding? I don't think I've ever written anything that have made people think that. Hmm. I'll see if I can work on that.

Hockey
So it's the Senators vs the Ducks. Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with the .... Wait. I'm not saying. I don't want to extend my jinx. But if yall have been paying attention to my hockey commentary, then you should be able to figure out which team I dislike less. :)

I was going to embed this video, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's only 17 seconds so give an eyeball when you have a minute. You'll likely want to replay it to make sure you actually saw what you thought you saw. And to check for any editing.

Unrelatedly
Season finale of Heroes was on last night. It was good but not as good as Gilmore Girls or The Office. Mostly because, at the end, why did brother dearest Nathan have to fly Peter into the air to detonate? Why couldn't Peter fly himself? Hmm?? Or be heaved into the air by big brother to detonate up high while Nathan does a swan dive for the ground? Eh. Hopefully next season Sylar will have mutated into some sort of sewer creature that can't handle sunlight & Nathan is alive and well, safely ensconced in his congressional office. Mostly I'd like to see their mom staked to an ant hill and covered in honey.

Oh and nice allusion to next season's big terror by Molly. Something scarier than the boogieman. Maybe it's a rabid IRS worker who makes the Heroes pay extra taxes?

The sabres are out of the playoffs! The sabres are out of the playoffs! The filthy, rotten, stinking lindy ruff led sabres are out of the playoffs!! Wooooo Hoooooo!! And to that jerkwad on my shuttle (I've deemed him MA - use your imagination, I'm sure you can figure out what MA stands for, especially since I'll you that the M stands for Major) I'd like to say, "HAH! In your face! Best record in the league or not, they still didn't make the finals. Nyah Na Nyah Na Nyah Nyah!"

For the record, guy is detestable for reasons other than his hockey affiliations. I don't despise people solely for being misguided in their hockey loyalties. Mainly because they have enough sense to Like hockey to begin with. Actually despise few people since usually I can just ignore them. This guy though is a real piece of work. I'm nearly through wasting my energy on him. Mostly it's only whenever I see the guy that I feel the claws coming out. I'm sure that'll be gone completely by July. :)

Unrelatedly
Blue Planet Run is an organization funding projects to get clean water to people across the globe. They're sponsoring a run starting June 1, 2007 that will take 20 runners across 16 countries and go 15,200 miles in 95 days. Pretty incredible, eh?

If yall don't know what today's title is about, sad for you. I hadn't laughed so hard at something Michael has said in ages. Mostly he's annoying. Usually Dwight is the one that amuses me the most. Well, stuff done to/at/around/behind him.

Talked to some pals last night that I hadn't talked with in ages. Good times. Oh and RP, I am sorry about asking the job question. Should've asked something along the lines of, "has anything other than the 3 questions I've already asked altered your mind set recently?" instead.

I got some fantastic news last night and am still in a great mood because of it. :) And blogger has *finally* added an auto-save function. Hallelujah!! No more lost posts because blogger has an "error" while publishing.

-Happy Friday all.

I look like I've had an accident. My hands have red streaks all over them, like they were sliced up pretty badly. No worries though, I'm okay. No cooking mishap or disturbed invidual intervention or anything. I merely made some crystal light (cherry pomegranate - immunity) this morning.

That stuff stains like crazy, your hands, the countertop, your lips, tongue & teeth. There's that mouthwash product for kids where you swill it around and it turns all the plaque blue. Screw that stuff, just drink some red colored crystal light. It does double duty as a thirst quencher/fluid builder upper and as a plaque revealer.

I wonder why they don't market it that way. Oh right. Who wants to go around with red gunk on their teeth? After drinking, swill some water or brush your teeth. Chewing gum helps - somewhat. There. That's my community service for the day. Have a good one, all.

Hockey
Boo hiss. sabres won last night. I was hoping for a sweep. Ah well.

I had a good cry last night. One of the TV shows I watch ended. It wasn't expected - by me, anyway - until the end of last week's show. The voice over said, "Watch the Series Finale next week" and I said, "WHAT??!!!!"

So yes, I was going between sniffles and full blown tears between 8 and 9 last night. It's like a good friend has moved away and won't be able to write. I'll miss you Gilmore Girls. Thanks for the amusements the last seven years.

Hockey
Red wings won last night. I watched some of it but was too bummed to do much haranguing of the refs. And, really, isn't that one of the best things of watching a hockey game that you don't care about the outcome?

Look what my dear family had my poor, sweet, innocent, angelic, always good and Never fussy nephew JT doing this weekend!

Apparently they couldn't be bothered to clean the windows themselves so they had a two year old do it. I mean, really, could the windows really have been that dirty? JT should be out riding his bike, driving his car or chasing bubbles out in the yard but Nooooooo. They steal his childhood fun and have him doing chores. Washing sliding glass doors of all things. And on the Outside no less! Surely *he* wasn't the one that dirtied up the outside.

It's mind boggling to me that they had him use a cleaning product on it. So even if it had started out as a harmless "Papa is cleaning, I want to clean!" mimic deal, they had the nerve to give him actual cleaning fluids. Not just water to spray. He's actually cleaning the glass, not just goofing around (as kids should be doing).

Maybe they think JT's (slave like) activites now will reveal itself as a strong work ethic in school? And then in the working world? I dunno. I'm of a mind set that kids should be playing when they're two, not scrubbing windows or pulling weeds.

You know what I think? After JT left the grandfolks went and cleaned the glass again, that's what I think. To get rid of any streaks he may have left. What do they expect from a two year old? In two seconds they obliterate all evidence of his cleaning efforts. I only hope he was well and truly gone, else that might have been an ego crusher.

He spent all that energy cleaning the glass when he could've been running around the yard, chasing birds. The least they could've done was put on some U2 for JT to listen to while he cleaned, instead of standing around supervising him and taking pictures for evidence. Mocking him, really.

AND, to make matters even worse, JT was sick at the time. Poor guy. I think his work ethic is strong enough as is, people. Let him frolic about to his heart's content and leave the chores to the adults. I mean, no matter how much like his mom he is, surely he can't enjoy cleaning?!

Get well soon, dear heart!

After much hunting and shunning (Macy's, Icing) and unshunning (Macy's) and reshunning (Macy's), I found some toe rings at Claire's. Alas they are not sterling silver and will surely turn my toes green at some point. They've already left grimy lookin streaks and I haven't even had them a week. So my toe ring hunt isn't over it's just on standby.

I knew when I bought them that they wouldn't be the end of my search, merely a temporary reprieve. When you get three rings for less than $6, you have to expect that it's only a patch on the problem. Plus they're not super cute, they're just okay.

Perhaps as the weather warms up, more places will start stocking toe rings? Hopefully in the sterling silver, super cute variety. I'll keep yall posted.

Hockey
Game three of Senators vs sabres tonight. Sens lead the series 2-0. I'd cheer enthusiastically about this but fear I'd jinx it, so I'll keep my cheering on the inside. I was quite thrilled that the game on Saturday went to 2OT. I was able to watch a lot of the game then since My Fair Lady ended at 11. Audrey vs sabres? Yeah, Audrey wins.

Ducks beat the Red Wings in OT last night, tying the series at 1 each. It was a good game for me since I don't much care who wins. I was doing a lot of "That is SOOO a goal, reffie!" and "What?! are you blind?? How could you miss that Slash?!!" for both teams. Good times.

The other day, while riding the bus home from work, I encountered a ..disturbed individual. She was sitting in front of me and was reading the paper. No problem, I was doing a crossword puzzle in the paper, headphones on and doing my darnedest to ignore everyone. This wasn't so hard as I was sitting in the very back of the bus and the closest person was the lady in front of me. Which was good since the battery was low and I didn't actually have any music playing through my headphones.

About halfway to my stop, the lady in front of me starts talking. I figure she's on her cell phone. But then she begins fiddling with her bag and her hair, just twitching in general, so I can see that she doesn't have a cell phone held to either ear. Okay, no big deal. She's got one of those wireless dealies.

She fiddles with her hair some more & I can clearly see that she doesn't have anything clipped to either ear. Hmm. I start to acknowledge the creepy feeling that had been building. Then I remember that some phones have that earbud doodad, looks like a headphone for one ear. Surely that's what she's talking into. Especially now that she's arguing with ..someone about how tired she is.

"I'm so tired."
"No you're not!"
"Yes I am! It was a hard day."
"Get over it! Stop whining. You're not tired so stop saying you are!"
"But I *am* tired!! How can you tell me that I'm not when I know that I am!"

Heavy sighing and some muttering ensues. I'm a little unnerved but still thinking positive. Then she starts stretching her neck and twisting her head around. There is nothing in either ear. No ear bud, no wire, not even earrings. I think to myself, Uh oh, that can't be good. But she's not talking now, just muttering under her breath so maybe she was on the phone but had hung up?

She begins arguing again. She hadn't put anything up to her ear, hadn't dialed anything or answered a phone. She's arguing with herself. Out loud.

"When will you listen to me?! I AM TIRED! Stop badgering me!"
"Why do you whine so much? What's wrong with you?! I'm telling you you're not tired so stop bitching and moaning and saying that you are when I damn well know you're not!"
"But I need to rest! I'm exhausted. Shut up and leave me alone!"

People in front of her (closest was two seats up) twist around and look back. They could hear her now too. Uhhh yeah, definitely not a good sign. Thankfully my stop is next. I gather up my stuff as quietly as I can so as not to draw attention to myself. The agrument tapers down to mutters again as I get to my stop. Unfortunately The Arguer gets up and exits the bus at the same exit. Great. Psycho lady lives near me. Yippee.

I'm very glad that I maintained my Do Not Engage philosophy. Despite a couple of mmy "friends" suggesting that I either talk to her or laugh at her. Hmm maybe I should rethink who my friends are?

I know lots of people who are a Taurus (that's astrological speak for those who are confused). Most of which are born in May (the sign goes from - roughly - April 20 to May 20).

Anyway, this cake (picture) is for an amazing man whose birthday is today. He has made me open my eyes to the state of humans (I'm fairly narrow minded when it comes to the state of the world in general - environment first, animals second, people third), been there during the good times and bad, not to mention he has the good sense to be close friends with the most excellent man alive.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BONO!! - May your dream to end poverty become a reality.

One
Make Poverty History
Debt.Aids.Trade.Africa

The Great American Toe Ring Search of 2007 is ongoing. Can yall believe that I still haven't found one? How sad is that? I'm pretty sure it's a government conspiracy. No! A cover up!!

First the lack of toe rings to be found.
Second the riots that are erupting everywhere due to this lack and
Third the cover up of the chaos.

Why do I get CNN email updates about some broad named Paris who is going to jail. Who cares about crap like that??? Give me toe ring updates CNN! That's *real* news.

I've got another mall or two to hit before the real depression and panic set in. Keep an eye out for riots near DC jewerly stores people. I may be sending up flares for reinforcements.

Many thanks, Sparkleberry

Some links to news stories I find interesting. Happy reading.

Exploding Star
NASA Underwater
Power Sharing in Northern Ireland
Lonesome George - Galapagos Tortoise
Hockey Finals

I opted out of going to a woo woo festival on Sunday and spent the day, instead, hunting around town for a toe ring. I feel my mourning period has finally passed and I can get a new one without dishonoring the old one. Actually, I want two. One on each foot, but I digress.

I went to a Kohl’s department store. This is where I had acquired my first toe jewelry all those moons ago (read: 1999). I went thru the jewelry department. Three times. Looked at every rack, every spinner doo dad, every compartment in the locked counter. Nary a toe ring did I see. Nor did either jewelry employee ask if I needed help. They both spoke English, so when I said, "Excuse me" they just moved out of the way, not realizing I wanted to ask them something. I gave them a yall-are-crazy-and-SO-not-helpful-and-now-you're-in-my-way look and left. Sadly I had to stop at the checkout as I had found some super cute socks (they have Gizmo on them! how could I Not buy them??) and some shirts. Since I loathe shopping 95% of the time, I bought the stuff.

Then I tried the dreaded Wal-Mart which is nearby. They were packed *shocking* and after I made my way across the store & to the jewelry store, I did, in fact, find two toe rings. Unfortunately they were locked in a case and the employees were too busy flirting (in Spanish) with some guys to bother coming over and letting me see them closer. I'm pretty sure I would only have verified that they were, in fact, ugly little things. I left and was nearly run over by a minivan. Twice.

Then I went to another mall and looked around two more chain department stores. Nothing. Although I did have a nice sneezing, coughing & eye watering fit in a Macy's since the perfume counter ladies were Very gung ho about spritzing stuff. I opted Not to check out their stuff, even if I could see it through my streaming eyes.

I leave the mall empty handed (my checking account rejoiced), get to my car and then have to wait to get out of the parking lot because of a vehicle blocking traffic while it's passenger dithered about. Yes, it was a minivan.

After finally getting around the minivan I determine that I have earned a trip to Mecca (aka a grocery store). I stop in get some groceries, the paper and leave. I’m stuck behind a beat up minivan the entire way home. I have bad minivan karma. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if all those jewelry counter employees drive minivans.

Watch out for those minivans! Especially the silver ones. Or the beat up ones. Or the ones with gigantic soccer ball emblems stuck on the back. They're out to take over the world!


Hockey
Frickin sabres won yesterday. Rangers are out of the playoffs. What do yall think the odds are that Lindy Ruff drives a minivan? I'm thinking fairly high.

I just wanted to thank the Gods of traffic for their wonderful treatment yesterday. We had excellent traffic karma and our 3.5 hour drive each way, wasn't extended very much at all with congestion. Thank you.

Hockey
Ducks won in 2OT, knocking the Canucks out of the playoffs. Bummer.

The other day I had an amusing message on my answering machine. Some lady was relaying info that her coworker's husband said about fixing a leaky toilet. Apparently there's a nut by the water shut off valve that you can tighten. Isn't that handy?

Hockey
My watching has been intermittent so as not to jinx select teams. I have been avidly checking select sites, blogs & podcasts. Don't be thinking my interest has waned.

Recently I learned that Abraham Lincoln wrote the US Constitution and that the Heart of the Ocean (aka Titantic Diamond) was bigger, older and more expensive than the Hope Diamond. Or, at least, this was according to some teenagers I heard talking whilst out on The Mall.

I find it utterly amazing that a man born in 1809 could write such an important piece of history 20 years before he was around. Maybe he wrote it in his previous life? And the girls who were chatting about the mega bling apparently don't know what the words "inspired by" mean. I shudder to think what else students are learning in school.

Somehow I managed to leave my cell at work yesterday. Thankfully it was locked in a desk drawer. What's really squirrelly about the whole thing is that once I was assured it was locked up, I didn't miss it. I figured I'd have anxiety or feelings of nakedness without it. I was fine. Maybe I'm not as dependent as I think I am.

Hockey
Wahooooo the devils lost last night (sorry TC). All series are at 2-1. This is good. I don't usually care for sweeps - unless it's the Canes doing the sweeping. Plus it means more hockey games :)

Unrelatedly
Nobody else has commentary on where I should move to? Really?